Weds, July 20, 2016: Funnies?

Mike is doing about the same.  Pain is under control.  Lots of sleep, lots of hallucinations, no deep conversations.

Some people are finding comfort in stories of his drug-induced silliness.  I will share some of those stories, but if you see them as cruel or demeaning, please know it's not my intent to make fun of my husband. The girls (Dianne and Brooke) and I find it much easier than the 'Kleenex-alert" moments.

1.  Mike has put me 'under arrest' several times, and a caregiver at least once.  One example:  He wanted me to use the flashlight I had earlier (no such thing), and was upset when I just got the nearest flashlight.  Wanted me to check under the dresser because a person was there.  No, there wasn't, I checked.  Then I looked at me sternly, "Julie Jackson, you are in serious trouble.  Where's that flashlight?  I'm the Sheriff and you have to answer to me."  I laughed.  Outright laughed in his face, "No, you're not a Sheriff and you never have been.  I'm going to get your meds." He was trying to be very authoritative, "You stand right over here..."  

2. My more recent 'arrest:'  I was under arrest for refusing to provide my resident address.   Then it was for driving under the influence.  Then I was not under arrest, but under request to assist the county sheriff's office.  Then I said, "You know that's not true, right?  The county sheriff has not requested my assistance?"  He answered, "You're lying.  You know I have."  "Mike, you're not the sheriff."  He was not happy, "No?  Then tell me his name, right now."  I looked it up, Craig Roberts, with picture.

3. Mike asked the caregiver to scramble two eggs.  She asked if he was going to eat them, because otherwise it's a waste.  He said it's an exercise.  And four scrambled eggs are worth two in the field (?).  "It's an exercise."  The same day he said we needed to practice putting on the firefighter outfits to be ready for the wildfires.

4. He said I wasn't cooperating; I didn't want to participate in his practice to extract somebody from a hole. (Holey-moley)  Yeah.  I was trying really, really hard not to laugh at him because it was so ridiculous.  (By the way, he canceled the exercise!)

5.  My mom and Aunt Susan seemed to think this was extremely funny -- I sure didn't at the time.  Mike was upset I had taken time to mow the field, "You need to stay right here for me now."  I got up with my mug and asked if it was okay to get more water.  He didn't answer, so I asked again.  Still no answer.  I got the water, sat back down, and he announced I was being an asshole.  

6. Yesterday he wanted to rearrange his end table and little wine cabinet into a sergeant's desk.  I reminded him he's retired, and he can relax.

Many of my texts to the girls these days start with: *sigh*